Posted in TT Tuesdays on February 9, 2010 by lovatron
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…” ~Anonymous
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. ~François, duc de La Rochefoucauld
Sometimes when we feel rejected or abandoned by others, we tend to blame ourselves or think about ways we can change ourselves. We try to mold into someone we are not or dislike the person that we are. Granted, in relationships, there is always some compromise and we should be introspective and desire growth and to become more self-aware. However, don’t let it chip away at your true self and the beauty that you are. Don’t let it block you from reaching your full potential. Realize that you are a gift and be thankful for your life. Build your confidence by meditating on positivity. “Knock off the ‘T’ in ‘can’t.” Get on with it.
“Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heart-ache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, to discover what is already there.” ~Henry Miller, Sexus
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. ~Sally Field
Do you know when you were already born
Do you know this is the way it would be
Do you know when you were already born
You were already you and I already me
So take me as I am
Take me as I am
I know
It’s easier said than done
But we’ve talked a million hours
To end up just where we begun
In this time we’re passing
With these distractions
We could be having fun
“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.” ~Mark Twain “Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.” ~Mary Kay Ash “Your problem is you’re… too busy holding onto your unworthiness” ~Ram Dass “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
Posted in TT Tuesdays on February 2, 2010 by lovatron
I have been trying to figure myself out in regards to romantic relationships. It’s tough. I spoke with my friend Emilia tonight about the article below. Emilia has known me for about four years and has witnessed my fleeting relationships. She said to me, “Angie, I think you want to be alone.”
I thought about those words and it hit me– all of my actions point to, yes, I want to be alone. But, I don’t really. Do I??? Maybe I’m a little scared of commitment. Damn. And I thought I knew myself so well. Maybe there is a part of me or us that identifies love with that of our first impression of love from our parents. If that’s the case, I am totally fucked. However, as an adult, I am completely responsible to create my own path, take ownership of my life, and so, no, I don’t want to be alone. But how the hell do I be with someone? I have a new challenge and it’s not chasing the boys that don’t like me– it’s transforming my addiction from loving “love” to loving who I am and mirroring that to the person I am with. It’s more about getting real, getting better…and dare I say, getting AWESOME?
Kinds of Love Addicts – by Susan Peabody
“In the last decade, a lot has changed in the world of love addiction. Not that love addiction itself has changed. It is pretty much the same insidious disorder it always has been. What has changed is how the world looks at it. Twenty years ago, our understanding of love addiction was still emerging out of our understanding of codependency. Therefore, love addiction and codependency seemed to be one in the same. However, today we understand that this is not true. Love addiction stands alone, and codependency is only one of several underlying personality disorders. To make it perfectly clear how one love addict differs from another LAA has prepared the following list:Obsessed Love Addicts (OLAs) cannot let go, even if their partners are…”
Read the complete article here: Kinds of Love Addicts
I think I’m an “ambivalent love addict” Agh!
“Destruction is a form of creation…they just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things.”
~Donnie Darko
I want to change things. I want to demolish failed patterns of thinking and break down walls and defeat old dried up habits that are getting me nowhere.
These memorial plates dot the sidewalks in remembrance of the Jewish families who were pulled from their homes and killed during World War II, Nazi Germany.
I think there is something to be said for people that know true suffering and how grateful and appreciative it can cause one to be about the future. It also produces a different layer of beauty in art and expression. Proof that we all have the ability to transform negativity into something more beautiful than it could have ever been without deep hardship.
Berlin was very welcoming and rich with creativity and passion. I felt a sense of community here. I had already made friends with all the shop keepers– especially the fellow at the soup store since I was there for three days getting soup for my sick friend Chapman. FLU. Poor Chapman.
FOOLS GOLD PARTY @ WMF Jack and coke in a can. G E N I U S.
I met Bronques at his hotel where we were joined by Carlo who then led us to WMF for the Fools Gold Party. I had recently stumbled across the existence of Jack Daniels in a coke can the day before so I had a few of those on me. drinking. happily. Anyway, A-Trak, Congorock, Jokers of the Scene, CLP, Momma’s Boy, Paul Frick, Alberto Balsalm and Ben Navarro were DJing. TONS OF FUN! I danced and took pictures all night. Then I left the boys and took a cab to Panorama Bar. I was a bit drunk at this point and I looked like the rabbit from Donnie Darko. I was supposed to be on the list per Chapman’s roommate Caroline (she works for Jesse Rose’s label) and she did in fact put me on, but the door guy gave me crazy shit at the door so I didn’t get it. Well, he let me in but told me I had to pay and I was being stubborn. Because I was on the damn list! PRIDE. Pride. Anyway. I was drunk. I left Panorama and ran into some German kids I met the night before and ALMOST stayed and partied with them but I went home instead because I had to help Bronques with the photoshoot the next day. Long day/night. The next day, I met with Bronques. The model below he nicknamed “Baby face” and the other model below he named “Rock hard” so that we could identify outfits/themes. Bronques discovered Rock Hard and she showed up to the hotel with her best friend (Baby face) which he ended up using as well– it all worked out so perfectly. Both girls were half French and half German.
We went to a nearby vintage clothing store and picked outfits for the girls, then ran back to the hotel to do their makeup because we were running out of sunlight. We went to the Wall and took pictures then found an old trailer near an abandoned circus across the street. It was a long day but it was absolutely fulfilling and great fun. The girls were incredibly sweet and adorable.
It was interesting to watch Bronques in action. Prior to Berlin, I knew him from going to parties in New York. I only knew him in a club/party atmosphere. To watch him work outside of that environment was really something special. He’s fast and clever and creative. He is ALL BUSINESS but is a genuine, good person with a big heart. I have a deep unwavering respect for him.After we said goodbye to the girls, Bronques and I went to a lovely family-owned cafe called Knofi. We had wine and a delicious dinner and talked for hours about LIFE. He gave me some of the most solid, sound advice I’m pretty sure I have ever received. I listened to him. I’m doing it now. It’s working out so far. Thanks Bronques.
After dinner, we hugged and said goodbye because Bronques was going to Miami the next day. I think? Actually I can’t remember– he’s all over the place. I went home and met up with Chapman for a second dinner! We went to an Italian restaurant. It was a peaceful and quiet night. Chapman had almost fully recovered from the flu so his sense of humor was back in full effect. We enjoyed a lot of laughs.
Brunch with Andi!
The next morning, I met my good friend Andi aka D.I.M. (MySpace)(Twitter) for brunch. (Damn. I ate a lot on this trip). The food was amazing and we went for a walk around the city, walked by the Boys Noize office, then back to his neighborhood because…Christmas came early for me last year and Andi gave me Traktor Scratch Pro because he’s the freaking nicest guy in the world!!! I love Andi! I will beat to death anyone that doesn’t love Andi. haha
Side note: Look how cool this sidewalk is…
I said goodbye to Andi because I had to meet my friend Robert for dinner. My flight was leaving early in the morning so sadly, this was my last evening in Berlin. I headed back to Kreuzberg and met Robert at an Indian restaurant to discuss music and to finally meet in real life. When his other band Jahcoozi was on tour last year, I had offered my place for them to stay but it didn’t work out at the time because of my roommate situation but it’s funny how things circle around. Robert is also an amazing musician/artist and a very kind warm-hearted person.
Listen to this DOPE ass mix of Robot Koch by Phon.o. It’s the shit! Phon.o is my friend Carsten who also lives in Berlin. See what I mean? Berlin is spilling with talent. I love this city. Jeeeeeeezzzo!!
After dinner, I went home, packed my bag and slept for maybe 4 hours, then headed off to the airport. I was SO SAD to leave Berlin. SO SO SO SAD. However, I had a very fulfilling trip and I met amazing people and had adventures and wonderful experiences. I’m going back but hopefully to stay.
And no, I didn’t get laid. I know many of you are wondering but NOPE. Didn’t get laid! lol
So, because I just need to get these photos up and posted since the first half of my vacation was posted in NOVEMBER (sorry, major slacker), I’m going to combine my last days in Berlin and throw in some text here and there and maybe you can sort it out somehow? Let’s try this.
First off, I really, really want to say I FREAKING LOVE BERLIN. The food, the people (oh god the people are amazing), the music, the atmosphere…Really. It’s all just top notch. It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye and I almost didn’t! A friend offered me a place to stay plus a mini weekend tour in Paris, London and Barcelona and I ALMOST gave in but alas I have bills, bills, bills and I need a job. Future talk.
So… my friend Mikey (aka Mikix the Cat) and his brother Cliff made a wonderful home cooked dinner for me– lamb and potatoes. I literally walked 8 minutes from where I was staying with my OTHER friend Mikey (Mike Chapman) in Kreuzberg. I’ve known Chapman for 12 years and he is one of my favorite people. He’s seriously one of the funniest guys you will ever meet. Random sense of humor. If you get a chance in your life to meet him, you really should. He works at Beatport and does a fine job if I may say so myself.
Anyway, I met Cliff and Mikey for dinner and we laughed. a. lot. Lots of laughing. They are great guys. My face hurt after leaving their house and my tummy was full and we were all happy.
We called Bronques so that we could all roll over to the Kitsune party (which was also about a 15 minute walk).
This little guy is near the intercom on Mikey’s apt. Photo of me taken by Bronques outside of the Kitsune party. Oh and btw, Bronques was in Paris the night before– hanging out at Danielle Steele’s mansion. We spent an extensive amount of time talking about taxidermy. Bronques said Ms Steele has around 2 million dollars worth of taxidermied creatures– the largest– A GIRAFFE! I don’t know what the plural of taxidermy is so if you do, feel free to correct me. Question of the night: would you taxidermy yourself? Mikey, Cliff and Bronques at the Kitsune party
Oh, I would also like to add that there are NO BLACK PEOPLE in Berlin and I was rollin deep with three hotties. I felt pretty good about myself. Hey sexies!
Bronques was in Berlin shooting for a handbag company by the name of George, Gina and Lucy so he offered me a wonderful opportunity to help scout for models and to also assist him on the shoot. I have NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN working in my LIFE. WOW. (Can I even call that work?) I’ll tell you more later…
Pictured below: Bronques and Carlo (with a crazy wig). Oh and props to Carlo for being awesome. He’s a wonderful person to be around. What a treat!And this is me the next morning…slightly dying. DeATH.
The next day, Chapman FINALLY was able to leave his room (he had been suffering from an awful nasty flu that lasted for 4 days prior) so we decided to celebrate his reintro into solid foods again by eating at an authentic German restaurant called Markthalle. I had the glorious potato noodles below and Chapman had the schnitzel. This six ft long and rather daunting oil painting of demons with swords loomed over head as we enjoyed our meal. Chapman, in a deep gutteral voice, was speaking for the demons as he gurgled to me: “enjoy your fucking fooooddddd aghrhahfhgah”
And enjoy it we did! Best hangover food in the WORLD. I mean, come on, potato noodles with fried onion rings and bacon on top? Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get any better. Damn. I need that now.
On our way home from Marthalle, Chapman and I made up stories about beets. We were both delirious and were making up stupid songs and rhymes. We were sort of fixated on the idea of beets. Here are a few samples of what we came up with:
Next time your walking down the street and you’re thinkin bout your boyfriend’s meat, might be a good idea to buy some beets. Wouldn’t that be a marvelous treat?
Sometimes when I’m home and I’m eating meat, I’ll eat some beets. It’s a real nice treat.
Then I ask Chapman if we are going the right direction to get home and he says to me, “I don’t care which road you take as long as its the right road going the wrong motherfuckin way.”
Then we stopped to gaze in the window of a Turkish clothing store. Chapman asked, “I wonder if you have to be Turkish to wear headgear?”
I wasn’t sure but we decided that if I were to buy Turkish headgear I would offer them some beets and then ask them if I look “reallll pretttyyyyy.”
Anyway, that’s what we do in our spare time. Act retarded. I swear it was funny at the time but it’s probably not funny to anyone else.
A few days ago, I had a dream that my friend Todd and I were in my apartment and I saw the tiny silhouette of my friend Terry’s chihuahua Isobel. I called her over and she had a little pink collar on with strings of pearls around her neck. CUTE!! I was cuddling with her and petting her while she happily licked my face.
This is Isobel…
Then another dog came in (a pug) and I started petting it and it turned into something that looked like this:
It rolled onto its belly and slowly lifted its little doggy/lemur arms as its eyes grew wide and a little smile appeared on its face because I was rubbing its belly and under its arms. SO CUTE!!!
Todd and I had to go to an event (I’m not sure what it was for) and we had to fly there by what started off as a helicopter. The military escorted us onto the copter– it was like one of those scenes from a movie where they escort the President and the epic patriotic symphony plays in the background.
Once the helicopter lifted into the sky, it then became a fighter jet– maybe an F-14 (Top Gun’ish). Todd fell asleep but I was trying to wake him because all around us were witches on broomsticks, a man and wife jogging in the clouds wearing matching red and white track suits, various Japanese looking anime characters and hundreds of kit kat bars falling from the sky. All of the characters were smiling and floating and laughing. It was really fun. Uplifting.
The cartoons and Kit Kat bars were all streaming down from a portal in the clouds that reached into space and the clouds were colored purple, black, blue, red and pink.
I thought to myself, “oh so this is what really happens when we fly but we can’t see see it because we can only look out of the plane windows from left to right & never from above. “
Once we reached our destination, Todd remembered that he had to meet his friends for brunch at 1:30 so he asked if we could go to the ATM and he would write me a check if I could pull out $30 for him to take a cab home. hahaha
Posted in TT Tuesdays on January 26, 2010 by lovatron
Passion
pas⋅sion [pash-uhn]
–noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
Mystery
mys·ter·y [mis-tuh-ree, -tree]
-noun
1. One that is not fully understood or that baffles or eludes the understanding; an enigma
2. One whose identity is unknown and who arouses curiosity
3. A mysterious character or quality
Intrigue
in⋅trigue [in-treeg]
-verb
1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate: The plan intrigues me, but I wonder if it will work.
2. to achieve or earn by appealing to another’s curiosity, fancy, or interest: to intrigue one’s way into another’s notice.
3. to entangle
I’ve been putting in a lot of hours at work, been wearing myself thin– not getting enough sleep, overcommiting myself, skipping meals, drinking too much, partying when I should be sleeping etc. I obviously lack self-discipline.
I have acted strangely over these few weeks. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I feel chaotic, messy, exhausted and lost.
I woke up thinking, “I need to call my dad.”
I need to hear him speak about golf and the history book he is reading– most likely something about World War I aircraft– or he’ll tell me the news of his latest bird watching rendezvous with his wife or the weekend outing they had. What matters most is his voice. I just need that familiarity.
At times I feel like I lose myself living in New York. Everything is always moving so quickly. I wake up, get on the train, go to work, back on the train, skip dinner, go to bed, wake up, get on the train, go to work, go home, work on my blog, practice Traktor, change clothes, go out and party, skip dinner, skip breakfast, wake up after 2 hrs, get on the train, go to work… endless.
I need trees, sunshine, a fresh cucumber water and I’d like to be joined by a few good friends. My friend ysa mentioned this morning, “girl you need a sabbatical.”
So I went upstairs and my roommate (one of my best friends & little brother) Xander shared the following video with me. It really lifted my spirits. I hope it will lift yours. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s a new day.
Oh and my other awesome roommate, Meredith, just walked into my room and told me she made me soup! Always be thankful for the sweet people that come into your life.
“Don’t worry about the future”
“Do one thing every day that SCARES you”
“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts”
Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours”
“Floss”
“Don’t waste your time on jealousy”
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life”
“S T R E T C H”
And yeah…we all have problems. But you have to tell your problems to fuck off. Get mad and tell them to fuck off. We overcome.
I’m starting Titty Tuesday off with one of the best movies ever– True Romance. This movie is amazing because it illustrates the type of love I believe many of us aspire towards or desire. The love between a significant other, the love between a parent and child and even the power of love that keeps people connected and gives us something to live for. Love is like an entity all its own. Would you fight for love? Would you kill for love? Would you die for love?
When you are separated from that person do you feel like your body is starving for them? Nurture them and feed them everything you can give– like dripping honey into their soul. Be sweet. Keep them protected. Keep them safe. If someone is talkin shit, tell them to shut the fuck up. Appreciate them when they’re on top of the world and support them when they fall. Be unconditional. BE ALIVE. Have adventures. Explore life. Discover each other. Trust each other. Cry with them. Laugh with them. Fuel them. If it doesn’t work out, LOVE them enough to let them go. Drexl Spivey: Now I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as a couple of titties. Clarence Worley: I mean, she… she a fire alarm or what? Alabama: Okey dokey doggie daddy. Clifford Worley: Son of a bitch was right. She tastes like a peach.
Below is the scene of a father’s love for his son. No fear in love right? Surpasses everything…
Alabama: Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you’re so cool, you’re so cool, you’re so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I’m not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn’t have named our son Elvis.
---> RT @jkriv DJ friends: anyone looking to unload a working 4-channel mixer like a Pioneer DJM 600? I'm looking to load one into my life. 7 hours ago
